I’m a wayward blogger. I know it, you know it, my cats know it.
“Will she ever finish anything?” people ask. And I can’t blame them; It’s a question that I ask myself all the time. I know that I am perfectly capable of finishing things (you’ll actually get to see something I finished by this time friday), I just don’t. The worst thing is, I’m always trying to justify why I don’t, which takes up the time that I could have spent accomplishing something.
If I’m being perfectly honest with myself (and with you), I’ve put myself into a self-made pit of despair, and self pity; comparing myself to everyone I see, from people in my everyday life to celebrities, and that unrealistic goal of wealth and “happiness”. I’ve become a by-product of a generation that expects instant gratification. I know that I feel that if I haven’t found success, and am doing something that I love by next year, then I’m a failure. When in reality, people of my parent’s generation often didn’t find true success until they were older than me. I still have at least a good sixty years in me, but I expect everything to fall into place now. Put in minimal work, and then sit back and watch everything come to me.
Well Tara, that just doesn’t happen. It take a couple (or twenty, or a thousand, or even a million) tries before something is bound to work out. That’s something I can’t deny; that everyone who I am so jealous of, has pushed and struggled to get to where they are today. But then, this is probably all stuff that most of you know. Life is hard, and to do well, you have to work hard. When you’re busy living your life in your head, and imagining how great it would be if someone read your blog and thought “This girl should have a book deal”, (based off the MAYBE five posts that I’ve written that I truly like), you become apathetic to actually trying to make things happen. So what if I still don’t know what I’m doing with the rest of my life? I have goals that I want to reach by next year, so maybe I should just suck it up and find a job that works for me RIGHT NOW, not five or even twenty years from now. Because let’s be honest, thinking that far into the future can be overwhelming, and makes it even easier to let that apathy get the best of you.
I need to start writing this stuff down and putting it up on my wall or something, because again if I’m being honest with myself, within a week I will have already forgotten all of this, having moved on to the next flight of fancy (this is a subject that I’ve talked about a million times with a million different people).
I know this hasn’t exactly been a “Christmas” post, seeing as its kind of depressing, and really just the thoughts of a twenty three year old unemployed girl (key word girl) who acts as though her life is SO bad – when in reality I have a home, a boyfriend who loves me and puts himself out so that my bills can be paid, a family who cares, and great friends- but why pretend? I’d rather be honest than shove some fake holiday cheer up your asses. Losing sight of things seems to be a common theme on this blog, so maybe that should be my new years resolution for 2014, to live life one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is, not for what it should be (seems so obvious doesn’t it?).
Anyways, I hope you all are having a great holiday season and I can’t wait to unveil what Russ and I have been working on for you all this Friday. PEACE!!