Christmas

Hay, it’s Christmas…Already

I’m a wayward blogger. I know it, you know it, my cats know it. 

“Will she ever finish anything?” people ask. And I can’t blame them; It’s a question that I ask myself all the time. I know that I am perfectly capable of finishing things (you’ll actually get to see something I finished by this time friday), I just don’t. The worst thing is, I’m always trying to justify why I don’t, which takes up the time that I could have spent accomplishing something.

If I’m being perfectly honest with myself (and with you), I’ve put myself into a self-made pit of despair, and self pity; comparing myself to everyone I see, from people in my everyday life to celebrities, and that unrealistic goal of wealth and “happiness”. I’ve become a by-product of a generation that expects instant gratification. I know that I feel that if I haven’t found success, and am doing something that I love by next year, then I’m a failure. When in reality, people of my parent’s generation often didn’t find true success until they were older than me. I still have at least a good sixty years in me, but I expect everything to fall into place now. Put in minimal work, and then sit back and watch everything come to me.

Well Tara, that just doesn’t happen. It take a couple (or twenty, or a thousand, or even a million) tries before something is bound to work out. That’s something I can’t deny; that everyone who I am so jealous of, has pushed and struggled to get to where they are today. But then, this is probably all stuff that most of you know. Life is hard, and to do well, you have to work hard. When you’re busy living your life in your head, and imagining how great it would be if someone read your blog and thought “This girl should have a book deal”, (based off the MAYBE five posts that I’ve written that I truly like), you become apathetic to actually trying to make things happen. So what if I still don’t know what I’m doing with the rest of my life? I have goals that I want to reach by next year, so maybe I should just suck it up and find a job that works for me RIGHT NOW, not five or even twenty years from now. Because let’s be honest, thinking that far into the future can be overwhelming, and makes it even easier to let that apathy get the best of you. 

I need to start writing this stuff down and putting it up on my wall or something, because again if I’m being honest with myself, within a week I will have already forgotten all of this, having moved on to the next flight of fancy (this is a subject that I’ve talked about a million times with a million different people). 

I know this hasn’t exactly been a “Christmas” post, seeing as its kind of depressing, and really just the thoughts of a twenty three year old unemployed girl (key word girl) who acts as though her life is SO bad – when in reality I have a home, a boyfriend who loves me and puts himself out so that my bills can be paid, a family who cares, and great friends- but why pretend? I’d rather be honest than shove some fake holiday cheer up your asses. Losing sight of things seems to be a common theme on this blog, so maybe that should be my new years resolution for 2014, to live life one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is, not for what it should be (seems so obvious doesn’t it?). 

Anyways, I hope you all are having a great holiday season and I can’t wait to unveil what Russ and I have been working on for you all this Friday. PEACE!!

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About Time…said no one

About Time…said no one

This e-card sums it up quite nicely.

It’s been wintery here in Edmonton for over a month, but it wasn’t until yesterday that things moved to the next level. For the last two days, with the wind chill, temperatures have plummeted to -40 degrees (celsius). Ponoka-just south of us (and where Russ is from)- was the coldest place in the world yesterday; -40 without the windchill (cue collective gasp), god knows what with.

I however, did not come here to complain like I’m sure some of my other Albertan contemporaries have. Yes, its fun to get outside and roll around in the snow, but isn’t it great having an excuse to curl up on your couch and be lazy all day?? All you need to say is “My car won’t start in this cold”, and you’re set…no one can dispute you.

So, for those of you in the same type of climate as me, take today to just relax. It’s the holiday season, and I know everyone is busy running around like a chicken with their head cut off getting ready for Christmas, but if it being cold isn’t an excuse I don’t know what is.

And to those of you somewhere warm….F$5^k you! (JUST KIDDING!or am I 😉 )

Back tomorrow with your regular program. Stay warm friends!

The Unemployment Diaries : Getting Out and About

OMG it’s December, and I can’t even wrap my head around it. Since graduating high school, each year has progressively flown faster and faster, and 2013 may have been the fastest yet. 

Soon I won’t be able to blink without missing all 364/5 days. Sheesh, getting old is weird.

Since I was here last, not a whole lot has changed. I finally got around to running some errands like getting my boots fixed, and just today I put up our Christmas tree (its a cute little pink thing; not really sure what I was thinking when I bought it). I also finally found the motivation to create a little camera set up and film a teeny video for the world to see. My accomplishments are small, but definitely satisfying.

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a shot of the lil pink tree that could from last year

I’ve had a couple small epiphanies this week too. Something that always seems to be a subject of contention with Russ and I, is how sometimes when he is telling me a story-and I seem like I’m listening- I am really busy being stuck inside my head, thinking and thinking and thinking. I’m sure you can imagine what it’s like telling a whole story, and then finding out later that the person you were telling it to barely absorbed anything (sorry Russ)…

…this week, I discovered what thats like pretty hard. I was telling someone about our trip (they asked me keep in mind), and the whole time I was talking, I didn’t really receive any feedback or followup questions. It felt like I was reciting something from a page, and had no opportunity to really get into it and tell them some of the behind the scenes stories. The person I was telling was upset about something that had happened that day, and it was obvious that they were still stuck on it ; so much so that after I was done telling my story, the upset was brought up again. 

Instead of being upset however, I used that moment to learn a bit of a lesson about myself. While I was thinking “man, I feel like I’m talking for no reason”,  the train of thought that I often do the same thing to other people was started. Everyone does it, but this was one of the first times that I was able to bring it back around and honestly apply it to myself. 

Hopefully being unemployed keeps this trend of realizations going. 

But anyways, that is what I am going to leave you with today. I have chili cooking in the slow cooker (it smells divine), and I’m off to start some bannock to go along with it. Have a lovely sunday evening/monday morning in other parts of the world!! PEACE!!

The Unemployment Diaries : Video Games and Skiing

 

Today was one of those days where I have to take comfort in the small things I accomplished. I helped my grandpa dig out some Christmas decorations, played Final Fantasy, tidied the house, and made dinner.

Oh, and applied for a couple of jobs….it was thrilling.

Who am I to complain though? I mean, I did just come back from vacation (I know its what you’re all thinking, so I have to say it first).

It’s just habit for me to get bored though. As I’ve mentioned before, I have problems finding satisfaction in non-lifechanging things. That’s probably why it’s taking me so long to hit my stride in something; I always move on to the next “thing” (be it blogging, or school, or whatever), inevitably becoming bored of that too. I blame that on the fact that my chinese horoscope is the Horse; as Astrology.com puts it, horses are the nomads of the chinese zodiac.

Ah, if only zodiacs were a real excuse for it 😉 .

I’ve also been thinking a lot about skiing today. All the hills around us are finally open, and both Russ and I are chomping at the bit to get out there. I’ve been dreaming of the drive up the mountain to Marmot (our hill of choice), freshly fallen powder, the sound of carved up snow under my skis, and the undeniable joy I get out of ripping from top to bottom of the mountain. Skiing has been life-changing for me.

For three years after graduating High School, I fell hard out of love with winter. Looking back, the three winters I trudged through before meeting Russ, aren’t full of too many happy memories. I had had figure skating in High School, but with university and life, I let that fall by the wayside. Winter had become a miserable six months that were cold, full of terrible driving, and just general misery (in my mind anyways). Without a winter activity, I was done. Then I met Russ, and in November of the first year we were dating, I met skiing.

The first time I went out with him to Marmot, I refused to ski. I was too embarrassed. But, while sitting alone and bored in the hotel room, I resolved that the next time Russ took me to Jasper, I would be joining him, not matter how mortifying it might be. So that’s what I did.

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I think we made it down from top to bottom a total of maybe three times, and I sat in the lodge for about two hours, but I didn’t completely suck, and I was having fun even when I did. In short, I completely dug it. Like Russ, I found myself counting the days until we could get out again, and even maybe, might have had a bit of a temper tantrum when Russ went without me. Finally, there was something (other than Christmas ;)) to look forward to in winter.

And now, I can go from the top of the mountain, to the bottom (without falling) in ten minutes or less. It’s something that brings me a lot of pride. And, while tidying and helping my grandpa pull out decorations isn’t quite as thrilling as flying down a mountain, I have to remember that not everyday is full of action and adventure. Everyone has tedious things to do, and as long as I’m unemployed, I’m going to have to find a little bit more excitement in mine.

Hope you’ve had a great Monday!! PEACE!