Thoughts on Turning 23…

Hello Everyone (if there’s even anyone still reading). I apologize for the extended hiatus I took from this blog. It’s been awhile; but for a good reason.

I couldn’t think of anything to write.

In the last two weeks, and even a bit before I stopped writing, I was feeling uninspired in a big way. It was to the point where I didn’t even like what I was writing, so how could I expect all of you to. But, regardless of my writers block…I’m back; and I have big news.

Tomorrow is my birthday!!!

And yesterday,it was made official that I have the ability to maintain a relationship with another human being for two years (the longest that I’ve been able to do that).

Lot’s of big things happening, and it’s made me think about this past year. I think that I mentioned before that this has been something of a transition year. I decided not to go back to uni, friends have started to fade away and been replaced with new ones(or a couple of the close ones have stuck around), and a lot of my ideas about the world have been starting to change. I’m learning what I like, what I don’t and I’ve been beginning to find my voice. Not only through this blog, but in my daily life. 

That has been the great struggle of my life. Not having the confidence, and the faith, that I can express how I feel without fear of judgement. As I’m sure some of you know, not saying how you feel may save you from embarrassment and confrontation, but it can bring you into a whole other world of suffering. There is literally nothing worse for your mind’s well being, than thinking and thinking AND THINKING, about saying something when someone/something bothers you. 

It builds this wall between you and the people that are close to you…and eventually relationships begin to crack. I have seen it happen recently to one of my close friends relationship…and I’ve seen it start to happen to mine.

So that is something I’ve realized in this past year; I don’t want to lose the people who are important to me, or who I truly am, to being too terrified of my opinion being rejected. 

I’ve realized that although there are major circumstances that occur in a person’s life, that has the power to change them forever, it is important not to dwell on them. For the better part of the year, I wanted so badly to change how I reacted to a particular circumstance. It kept me from trying new things, or from growing just in general. Although it wasn’t obvious to me, deep down I really thought that I had passed up the one thing I was meant to do. I was given the chance to to take a leap, and I didn’t. The slump that this put me in radiated out into my relationship. I won’t sit here and say that this year was terrible, and that we didn’t do anything. Because that wouldn’t be true; we did a lot. But what I do mean, is that for the greater part of the year, our relationship was static. Unable to move on from the past, I continued to do things detrimental to my relationship (and not learn from them, dummy). 

Things, in my opinion, have been starting to feel smoother again. That isn’t to say that I’ve completely stopped being self-centered in my relationship. I’m still only 23 and JUST starting to feel like I may be on my way to figuring some stuff out. But what I want from life, isn’t as grounded in the past…I feel motivated again to HELP Russ steer the direction of our relationship (and not put all the onus on him). 

Things are still hard everyday (as life should be), but I have high hopes for the coming year. I’m still in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, and I know I probably have a bit to go, but I’ve found resources that really resonate in me, and seem to put things a bit more into perspective. From “How to Think More About Sex” to blogs like Gen Y Girl, I’ve discovered that I’m not alone in this. There are other people who feel or have felt just as crazy/stupid/lost as I do. And I think that may be the best thing that I’ve realized this year.

Hope you all are having a great weekend. Russ took me/I took him to K Days last night for our anniversary to go and see Burton Cummings; it was awesome. To close you out, here’s a couple of pics from that. PEACE!!!

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The Beautiful Couple

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The Perfect Way to Close Out Another Year 🙂

 

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