Bros

Hi Hi everyone!

So, I’ve figured it all out. I don’t know if any of you have noticed the phenomenon that IS the death of a “scene”. More specifically, a music “scene”. Its this terrible thing that seems to happen when a particular type of music, thing, or person REALLY blows up and gets popular.

Most people I know attribute this phenomenon to “the hipsters” aka the trendy people; the ones who knew about things before they were cool. However, while it may be true that some “hipsters” are unbelievably pretentious and may make you feel like an alien in your own  scene of choice, they are NOT who we all should blame.

And because, I alone am truly enlightened 😉 , I’m going to fill you all in.

It’s not the hipsters…it’s the bros.

Now I can hear you all asking, “What’s a bro?”…well my dears, to be a “bro” is to be the next level of a “hipster”. Bros are actually the people who blame hipsters for ruining scenes. They’re the people who ruin a scene and don’t even know it. They’re hipsters in denial (but louder and more annoying).

You can easily distinguish a bro by three things: Appearance, the things that come out of their mouth, and finally, by how intoxicated they get.

Appearance: your standard male bro will be wearing a very small tank top style shirt known formally as a “wife beater” or something akin to that. You may also notice them sporting a “straight brim” hat and various brightly colored accesories. The brighter the colors, the more likely that they are a bro. Female bros are much harder to detect, but more likely than not, they will be the type of girls who come in club dresses and heels to a metal show. Both female and male bros can often be observed on their phones the whole time as well, rather than watching the show.

Things They Say: A good example of a bro conversation follows

“Hay Bro, this fuckin’ music man! BROOOOOOO, it’s soo good.”

“Ya bro! Did you see that pussy over there in the corner bro?! I’d kill that kid bro!”

“BROOOOOOOOOO!”

It doesn’t necessarily even have to have the word “bro” in it. You’ll know that you are in the presence of a bro if you hear someone talking excessively loudly about something completely unrelated to the event you are attending. You also know it is a bro if they are talking in cliches of the type of scene you are currently experiencing. For example, at a rave you may hear a bro say,

“Bro, my date tonight is MOLLY, and I’m sooooo fucked up right now. PLUR(do you even know what PLUR means?!?)…etc etc”

How Intoxicated They Get: A bro will be drunk/high/faded/stoned/whatever street term you want to use for “at the point where need to be carried out of the party”….nuff said.

I’m sure more than a few of you have seen a couple or fifty of these people at a recent event you attended. They will be the first people to say how much they love dubstep/metal/house/indie etc, but then hate on all the aspects of the scene that make the scene different. They will stay for the one artist they like, get as fucked up as possible before, and then leave once the artist is done. They all come in with a chip on their shoulder, and with this almost unbearable air of machismo; ruining the fun for some.

And the worst part? They have NO IDEA that they are doing it. For a bro it is ALWAYS someone else’s fault but their own.

Of course, this is only my opinion. I have no doubts that someone that I label as a “bro” will read this and think that I’m a hipster or something, and in some ways I am. However, I stay out of people’s way, letting them enjoy the experience however they want to (even the bros) That is the inherent difference, hipsters are aware of what they are doing….bros, not so much.

So please, stop blaming the hipsters. And bros….stop being so bro-ey

END RANT!!

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